“Unacknowledged sovereigns” first documentary: a view to their untouchable worlds

I need to start this giving a unconditional kiss to all the queens (and kings, actually) who recorded their videos for the documentary project: I deeply and patently attend for your power in all the places in which I worked to realize this (both public or not, both alone and with my twin sister). Thank you.

To make it more clear the concept behind the short documentary, I wish I could say something about it in here. First of all, the main idea was to record something real, something free, something auto-determinative, something out of the dreams (particularly) girls were recluse for so long, the Other Ones dreams/nightmares about them. It was all about subjectivation, free acting, testifies, playing and free talking too. When I first record myself doing something I felt from the inside, I was just playing with my feet, that had been found “ugly” by someone I deeply know. Then I just found myself talking in my own language – that I love, again, I deeply love – and reading some of my writings, something in English too. Then I just didn’t think of what to do and I ended up just making love to words, touching myself while I stay in silence and speak again -speaking in Italian, for I felt free to only make love to my language, or I would lost myself in translation. I was not sorry for you to not understand what I said: this is not important at all, this is not for you a thing to capture or understand. I just needed to physically impose myself to the world so that it would not create something out of me; something I never want to embrace, and that I never was first: something that is not even true and that still could make me feel bad about my own self.

In the clips they sent me that I just put together, most girls and boys just do what they feel they want to do – smoke, dance, stare at the camera, cry, lament, sit down, look at the mirror, removing their make-up or their clothes. I think the most important things was that the videos were recorded by themselves in first person, in the “freedom” of their “solitude”. It would be more hard to be themselves if I’d be the one to record them, and I also thought they would be the first (and best) recorder of them all: the truest. I, myself, do not even know why they do such things in their videos, or in what things they could feel free protagonist of their owns. Most of them told me via email when sending me the clips, but I don’t tell about their reasons in the video and I don’t ask them to speak that to me so that I will understand it all, properly; that is no reason not for anyone to understand why or what they are doing. No reason to not even ask yourself: they are just living their own worlds and that is all the beauty I clearly see in the project.

While watching the video, I just see at them all, I see myself too, and see and see again, and feel the beauty in those amazing reigns impressed with a camera or a smartphone for the world to see. I really appreciate the gratuitousness¬†of this: I don’t know something else, something like the reason why they smile, cry, or smoke because there is no reason for me to understand: the whole video is nothing that can be ever understood. It is just about free expression. They don’t even want to explain something, they want to be. This is just so vivid seeing the video.

What is vivid is also that the “myth” (created and seen from strangers eyes) of the girl,¬†just like that of the boy, need to die if they are not embracing that first. You cannot define a thing out of a thing, you can not define a person out of that person: it is violence to put an image out of them that don’t belongs to them and never will; it will give or steal them things that they don’t want to. They are just their reality and their fantasy, and they (me, too) wish that was just so clearly untouchable as it is in this video.

That is the maximum I can explain about that, because I patently reach the idea that give a meaning to the documentary is really out of reality.

To watch the video, give a look to it at the link below;

YouTube: here

Also follow the Facebook page to join, submit or follow the next documentary projects: here

 

@cantnameacat Disincantata

Do not assume this one incident will stop me

The journey of self love is one that most seek yet many fail to find.

I posted a video on Instagram. I was in my knickers, topless yet covered with a mirror. A video of me moving a mirror up and down reflecting in another mirror creating never ending images of my face inside the mirror held to my chest. This is what caused my mum, yes my own mother, to contact social services. My body, which like many others I have struggled with, shamed upon. It was art, and I was the subject of the art. Because only now after over four years of battling myself mentally and physically I had managed to see myself as the rose that I am. ‘Our natural form is something that will always be frowned upon’ is all that ran through my mind that night.

I felt so trapped and isolated for so many years whilst I wasted away in the darkness of my room, riddled with anxiety of judgement for opening up to others about the days on end that I would not feed my fragile body. I had to find a way to empower myself. Over the years Instagram made me build confidence and feel beautiful, yet I did not realise I had a limit. That limit being expressing my love for myself. Do not assume that this one incident will stop me.

Anonymous